Here are some quotes from the crazies in the last few weeks, enjoy!
Noodle- "I had a bad dweam! Monster ate me! Monster ate my head! It not okay, it skeery!"
When told to eat his peas- "I not eat peepees! Peepees gwoss, peepees potty talk!"
"That's me!" No, its not, you are not that dark. "YES I AM BLACK!"
Fia- "Momma is Milady and we are her servants, so we GET TO clean for her!"
"When I go potty, I just feel SO relaxed! That's why it's called a rest room."
Pander- "The best 2 things about Easter are Jesus is alive, and candy!"
"God the Father, God the Son and God the Ghost of Holies."
"Yes we can put elbows on the table for dinner, our house doesn't count, we're not fancy!"
And a group effort:
Pander- "I wish Daddy was home."
Fia- "Why? 'Cause he cooks better?"
Pander- (nodding) "I'm not going to say that, it might hurt Mommy's feelings."
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Parenting and Panicking
I was recently considering what to write to a friend about "my reality" of motherhood. I realized that for me, parenting hasn't been much like what I pictured when I first became pregnant. I had expectations of snuggles, and sweet moments, rocking chairs and stuffed animals, even dirty diapers, crying, and sleepless nights followed by tired days. And while these expectations were met, and have been a huge blessing to me, there was also a side of parenting that overwhelmed me. I wasn't completely naive, I just didn't expect the mental battle that accompanies parenting.
Some women face that battle immediately, with post partum depression, or even the overwhelming stress that comes with having a colicky baby with no explanation why. For me, it started after my 4th child, Noodle, was born. He had jaundice, and I had to take him back to the children's hospital for daily blood draws until his bili level went down. The first day, I took him in by myself. We drove a half hour to the hospital that I have literally been to a hundred times. There have been ER visits, asthma hospitalizations, lunches with my sister who works in the hospital complex, and my mom's cancer care clinic was there too. So this time, of course, I got lost. Granted, there was some construction, but it really shouldn't have been a big deal. I called my sister, freaking out, asking for directions. That got me to the hospital, but the lot was torn up too, and I couldn't figure out my way to the parking structure. I began crying uncontrollably and finally just parked in the emergency room lot, which is a big no-no there. I grabbed Noodle and rushed into the ER doors, where a nurse came running for me. I guess she thought something was seriously wrong with the newborn I was holding, since I was a total crying wreck! After I explained what was wrong, she found someone to cover her job for a bit and walked me all the way through the hospital to the lab, stayed while the blood draw was done, walked me to see where I should park the next day, and then back out to my van. Seriously, I was such a mess that she was afraid to leave me alone. She probably thought I was going to go off the deep end if I got lost one more time, and she wasn't wrong.
That was the start of what I call my period of "Parenting and Panicking." For the next 2 years, I had severe panic attacks that were just unexplainable. I stopped being able to go outside at night by myself, I couldn't breathe from fear if my husband went to work and didn't make sure the basement door was locked before leaving, I couldn't even go downstairs by myself after dark to do laundry. I spent money on new curtains for the house to replace sheers or thin curtains because I was terrified people could see into the house, and I had a recurring nightmare that I was in the minivan with all 4 crazies, we would drive off a bridge into water and I had to try to choose who to save, since they were all in carseats and I couldn't save them all. I would wake up in a sweat, panicked and crying, so I started losing sleep.
Around 18 months into this panic period, my mother passed away. I spent a few months feeling even more alone, more terrified, more panicked. The hardest part was that I didn't feel like I could talk to people about what I was feeling. I was pretty sure my "weirdness" was starting to annoy my husband, my family and friends know I am a Christian, and I felt like I was failing to trust God because of my panic and didn't want to share my lack of faith. I didn't know how to share what I was feeling without feeling worse about myself, or more stressed about what people would think of me. I was reading my Bible, praying, and just trying to remember that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, that he gives us his power, strength and love. But in each moment, Iwould panic, and I would feel failure all over again.
Then one day, a bit over 2 years after the panicking started, I was praying and came to realize what was at the core of my panic. I realized that I was overwhelmed by motherhood. I was dealing with the knowledge that there are things that are beyond my control, evil people, dangerous situations, hazards, etc. that I just cannot protect my kids from. I can't control the economy, it may crash and my kids may grow up with less than they need. I can't keep a criminal from coming into my home by buying dark curtains. My nightmare of having to choose which child to save was based in reality, I am not strong enough to pull 4 kids out of a sinking car, or to carry 4 kids out of a burning house. There are simply things that I cannot do, there are simply things about motherhood that are beyond my abilities. There are ways I want to protect my kids, that are just not possible. But there is a God who loves my kids, so much more than I do. There is a God who loves my kids enough to send his son to die to provide life for my children. He wants so much more for my children than I do. He wants so much more for me than I realize. And he promises to be with me, to be with them, always.
It has been a slow process, but a year after that realization, things are going back to normal. I can go in the basement by myself and leave the door unlocked, I can go outside at night (usually) and I can leave my curtains open all day and most nights. I haven't had my recurring nightmare in almost a year. I realized that what I want to share with my friend about my reality of motherhood is simply this: parenting is all about faith. Being a parent is beyond what a person can do alone, it is terrifying to think that you are responsible for another person's well being (let alone 4 other people!) and there will be things that are just beyond you. It is scary to know that each decision you make for your child can affect who they are and what they can do in the future. The only way to avoid parenting and panicking is trusting God to lead you, trusting God to be there for your child when you can't.
Some women face that battle immediately, with post partum depression, or even the overwhelming stress that comes with having a colicky baby with no explanation why. For me, it started after my 4th child, Noodle, was born. He had jaundice, and I had to take him back to the children's hospital for daily blood draws until his bili level went down. The first day, I took him in by myself. We drove a half hour to the hospital that I have literally been to a hundred times. There have been ER visits, asthma hospitalizations, lunches with my sister who works in the hospital complex, and my mom's cancer care clinic was there too. So this time, of course, I got lost. Granted, there was some construction, but it really shouldn't have been a big deal. I called my sister, freaking out, asking for directions. That got me to the hospital, but the lot was torn up too, and I couldn't figure out my way to the parking structure. I began crying uncontrollably and finally just parked in the emergency room lot, which is a big no-no there. I grabbed Noodle and rushed into the ER doors, where a nurse came running for me. I guess she thought something was seriously wrong with the newborn I was holding, since I was a total crying wreck! After I explained what was wrong, she found someone to cover her job for a bit and walked me all the way through the hospital to the lab, stayed while the blood draw was done, walked me to see where I should park the next day, and then back out to my van. Seriously, I was such a mess that she was afraid to leave me alone. She probably thought I was going to go off the deep end if I got lost one more time, and she wasn't wrong.
That was the start of what I call my period of "Parenting and Panicking." For the next 2 years, I had severe panic attacks that were just unexplainable. I stopped being able to go outside at night by myself, I couldn't breathe from fear if my husband went to work and didn't make sure the basement door was locked before leaving, I couldn't even go downstairs by myself after dark to do laundry. I spent money on new curtains for the house to replace sheers or thin curtains because I was terrified people could see into the house, and I had a recurring nightmare that I was in the minivan with all 4 crazies, we would drive off a bridge into water and I had to try to choose who to save, since they were all in carseats and I couldn't save them all. I would wake up in a sweat, panicked and crying, so I started losing sleep.
Around 18 months into this panic period, my mother passed away. I spent a few months feeling even more alone, more terrified, more panicked. The hardest part was that I didn't feel like I could talk to people about what I was feeling. I was pretty sure my "weirdness" was starting to annoy my husband, my family and friends know I am a Christian, and I felt like I was failing to trust God because of my panic and didn't want to share my lack of faith. I didn't know how to share what I was feeling without feeling worse about myself, or more stressed about what people would think of me. I was reading my Bible, praying, and just trying to remember that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, that he gives us his power, strength and love. But in each moment, Iwould panic, and I would feel failure all over again.
Then one day, a bit over 2 years after the panicking started, I was praying and came to realize what was at the core of my panic. I realized that I was overwhelmed by motherhood. I was dealing with the knowledge that there are things that are beyond my control, evil people, dangerous situations, hazards, etc. that I just cannot protect my kids from. I can't control the economy, it may crash and my kids may grow up with less than they need. I can't keep a criminal from coming into my home by buying dark curtains. My nightmare of having to choose which child to save was based in reality, I am not strong enough to pull 4 kids out of a sinking car, or to carry 4 kids out of a burning house. There are simply things that I cannot do, there are simply things about motherhood that are beyond my abilities. There are ways I want to protect my kids, that are just not possible. But there is a God who loves my kids, so much more than I do. There is a God who loves my kids enough to send his son to die to provide life for my children. He wants so much more for my children than I do. He wants so much more for me than I realize. And he promises to be with me, to be with them, always.
It has been a slow process, but a year after that realization, things are going back to normal. I can go in the basement by myself and leave the door unlocked, I can go outside at night (usually) and I can leave my curtains open all day and most nights. I haven't had my recurring nightmare in almost a year. I realized that what I want to share with my friend about my reality of motherhood is simply this: parenting is all about faith. Being a parent is beyond what a person can do alone, it is terrifying to think that you are responsible for another person's well being (let alone 4 other people!) and there will be things that are just beyond you. It is scary to know that each decision you make for your child can affect who they are and what they can do in the future. The only way to avoid parenting and panicking is trusting God to lead you, trusting God to be there for your child when you can't.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Dancing Queen: Fia
This is Fia, ready for last year's dance recital. This is her third year in ballet and second year in tap. We started Moo in ballet this year too, and in order to cut down the craziness of running around, the dance director and I worked out a schedule so the girls have class on the same night, at the same time. Moo has a 2-4 year old beginning class from 5:00-5:30. Most of the girls in her group are 2 or 3, she is older than most. Fia is in ballet/tap from 5:00-6:00 in a class designed for Intermediates, ages 6-7. Since Fia barely turned 5 when the class started, she is much younger than most of the girls in her class. She was scheduled to take Intermediates, 5-6 yrs, but the dance director felt she could handle the older class based on her dancing from last year and thought it was a good way to accomodate our scheduling needs.
This class has been very challenging for Fia. She had to make new friends, with older girls. She had to learn more difficult dance steps at a faster pace. Most challenging, she had to adjust to a different style of teaching, because her new class is taught by Miss S., who teaches advanced ballet and tap and advanced Jazz/Hip-Hop. This is Miss S.'s first time teaching an intermediate age group.
Miss S and Fia really seem to rub each other the wrong way sometimes. Fia is a perfectionist, but easily embarressed. Once embarressed, she can become defiant and stop trying, because someone pointed out that she did something incorrectly. (We are working on this, I promise!) Miss S. is loud, she doesn't stop the dance music to quietly redirect dancers, the way Gianna's last teacher (Miss R, who was Miss S.'s little sister!) did. Instead, she shouts directions and corrections over the music. This allows the girls who are dancing correctly to keep going all the way through, without breaking it up. But for Fia, it has been terrible! Whenever Miss S would shout "Other foot, Fia!" or "Arms down now Fia!" Fia would get stubborn and either stop dancing or refuse to make the desired correction. 2 weeks ago, Miss S. talked to me about it and we both considered pulling her out to the younger class, even though it would mean she couldn't participate in the recital, because at least she would be having fun in class. Miss S. wanted to give it a few more weeks, and I agreed. I went home and had another talk with Fia about obeying directions, reminding her that Miss S. likes you, she wants you to be a better dancer, and she has to talk loudly over the music, she isn't yelling or angry at you. It was a conversation we've had before. Then I added that she had my permission to shout back over the music and say "Ok Miss S!" and then she had to try to fix her mistake.
This week, it finally sank in! Miss S. pulled me aside again and said "What did you do with Fia? She's a whole new girl!" She remembered which foot to start off on, she remembered when to bring her arms down, and she did nearly all the steps correctly. Most of all, she didn't have one moment of upset and took direction well! I guess Fia just needed to know she could shout back! So glad my little dancing queen can stick it out and be in the recital again this year!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Crazyfamily Homeschool Program
That is the name of our homeschool (just pop in our last name instead of Crazyfamily, lol!) We officially have 1 month of homeschool under our belts, and I am loving it! Pander is working through 1st grade cirriculum quickly (math, reading, language arts, health, science, history, Bible), while Fia and Moo are finishing up preschooling and combining it with kindergarten math, phonics and handwriting. Noodle is along for the ride, he does about half the preschool activities in any given day then wanders off to do puzzles, build blocks, or generally make a mess. Some of the highlights of homeschooling have been:
*Pander quote- "I love this school, I can sing while I do my work!"
*The girls starting Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons and Fia asking "Could I do another lesson right now, Mom? I want to read!"
*The wonderful homeschool room in the basement my hubby, sister and bro-in-law have helped create, complete with primary color splashes, electric outlets!, a functioning computer for educational games and research, number and letter charts and an awesome calander.
*Pander's move from shorter books into chaper books for free reading. He now has A-Z mysteries and Tree House books. In just 2 days, he is on chapter 6 of his first chapter book! What a great reader, so glad I am able to keep him challenged, unlike the school that had him re-reading the same books he read last year so he could be placed in a reading group with other kids, instead of on his own.
*The arrival of our cirriculum, finalizing the schedule so we will cover all our material in a year, getting a handle on day to day time management (okay, that is still a struggle, but we are getting there! I still need to fit laundry in, I am so behind!)
* Best of all, I am loving how well the crazies are getting along. When Pander was in school all day, he would come home cranky and burned out on socializing. He didn't want to play with the other crazies, so he went to his room to read or rest, would try to play video games or watch tv, or would snap at the others when they tried to engage him. Now, he and Fia tell me they are best friends because they are in the same class at home! Moo and Pander joke around alot more, and he is much more tolerant of Noodle's young attempts to join in the older kids' games.
I will keep you updated as we go along, I am sure we have many challenges ahead as I try to balance time between teaching the crazies and managing the household. I am thankful to God that I have the chance to teach my kids, what a blessing it has been to have them share their thoughts and ideas with me!
*Pander quote- "I love this school, I can sing while I do my work!"
*The girls starting Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons and Fia asking "Could I do another lesson right now, Mom? I want to read!"
*The wonderful homeschool room in the basement my hubby, sister and bro-in-law have helped create, complete with primary color splashes, electric outlets!, a functioning computer for educational games and research, number and letter charts and an awesome calander.
*Pander's move from shorter books into chaper books for free reading. He now has A-Z mysteries and Tree House books. In just 2 days, he is on chapter 6 of his first chapter book! What a great reader, so glad I am able to keep him challenged, unlike the school that had him re-reading the same books he read last year so he could be placed in a reading group with other kids, instead of on his own.
*The arrival of our cirriculum, finalizing the schedule so we will cover all our material in a year, getting a handle on day to day time management (okay, that is still a struggle, but we are getting there! I still need to fit laundry in, I am so behind!)
* Best of all, I am loving how well the crazies are getting along. When Pander was in school all day, he would come home cranky and burned out on socializing. He didn't want to play with the other crazies, so he went to his room to read or rest, would try to play video games or watch tv, or would snap at the others when they tried to engage him. Now, he and Fia tell me they are best friends because they are in the same class at home! Moo and Pander joke around alot more, and he is much more tolerant of Noodle's young attempts to join in the older kids' games.
I will keep you updated as we go along, I am sure we have many challenges ahead as I try to balance time between teaching the crazies and managing the household. I am thankful to God that I have the chance to teach my kids, what a blessing it has been to have them share their thoughts and ideas with me!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Where've I been?
I have been MIA since before the holidays! Over Christmas, the crazies had a lot of stuff going on. Between school commitments, church program rehersals, and holiday parties we were booked! Right after the holidays, we had a trip out of state to visit my in-laws, and then we kicked into the insanity of establishing a schedule for our new homeschool (which is going awesomely, but that is a different post!) Here are a few quick pics of the crazies over the holidays. The first is from Christmas Eve when Pander, Fia and Moo sang in the Christmas program at church. Excuse the emotional, crying Pander who was upset with something regarding his shoe!
I may be biased, but I think it was the most adorable Christmas musical ever. Moo was dancing, twisting and swooshing her skirt along to the music the whole time. Pander and Fia both stood stick still, but knew all the words and sang their hearts out. I love how much my crazies get into music!
The second picture is from Christmas Day, in their new Christmas jammies. When we were kids, my mom started the tradition of getting new jammies for Christmas and we've carried it on with our kids. Noodle loved his Dinosaur Train footy jammies so much that he wore them 4 straight nights before I could finally hide them away to wash them! Pander has been a Mario Bros. fanatic for awhile now, so his jammies thrilled him, and Moo and Fia were excited to get jammies that came with matching one for their dolly and me dolls.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Christmas Music Dance Party
The other evening, we had a Christmas Music Dance Party. The crazies and I turned on a mix of VeggieTales Christmas music and traditional holiday songs and danced to our hearts' content. Pander always seems to break dance, Fia uses the time to practice some of her ballet class moves (but throws in a few booty shakes for good measure!), and Noodle likes to run in circles around everyone else and call it dancing. But Moo, she is my special dancer. I use the term loosely, because much like her mother (yes, this is a confession) she thrashes and convulses and creates some of the weirdest dance combos I have ever seen. Actually, her dancing brings back memories of The Debi Dance and the lesser known Debi Dance 2000, as a reference point for those who are in the know. I can't help but laugh and join in when I see the 4 of them together, hearts filled with joy, feet filled with energy and eyes filled with excitement.
Right now, the joy of dancing for the crazies is 10 times more than any other time of year, because they are anticipating the celebration of the birth of Jesus. We have spent alot of time this year thinking about why we give each other gifts (in remembrance of the Magi's gifts to Jesus), how to share Jesus' love to others (through charitable donations and kind acts) and considering why Jesus was even born to begin with (the first step in salvation through the death of Jesus was the necessary birth into human form, a perfect man to bear the guilt of all mankind.) But today I want to share with you why we dance. In the Bible translation called The Message, Luke 2:8-14 reads:
"There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises:
Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him."
This scene always gets to me. Angels announcing the birth of their Creator, their Lord, as a baby in lowly human form. They knew the sacrifice, what it meant for God to dwell among the humans, the favor, gift and blessing it was to have his presence among us. Such a joyful, blessed moment that at its annoucement, the host of heaven's angelic armies had to burst into joyful song. All I can picture in my mind's eye is a sky filled with musical celebration. And what goes better with a joyful musical celebration than joy-filled, praising dance?! We may not have the hosts of heaven here to sing for us, but the crazies and I celebrated the awe-inspiring, humbling, sacrificial birth of Jesus with the joy it was intended to have. And I believe Jesus and the angels appreciated our efforts, even Moo's joyful, unusual thrashing!
However you and your family celebrate the holiday, I just want to encourage you to find an outlet of pure joy knowing in that one moment the God of heaven, Creator of all, became God with us.
Merry Christmas!
Right now, the joy of dancing for the crazies is 10 times more than any other time of year, because they are anticipating the celebration of the birth of Jesus. We have spent alot of time this year thinking about why we give each other gifts (in remembrance of the Magi's gifts to Jesus), how to share Jesus' love to others (through charitable donations and kind acts) and considering why Jesus was even born to begin with (the first step in salvation through the death of Jesus was the necessary birth into human form, a perfect man to bear the guilt of all mankind.) But today I want to share with you why we dance. In the Bible translation called The Message, Luke 2:8-14 reads:
"There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises:
Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him."
This scene always gets to me. Angels announcing the birth of their Creator, their Lord, as a baby in lowly human form. They knew the sacrifice, what it meant for God to dwell among the humans, the favor, gift and blessing it was to have his presence among us. Such a joyful, blessed moment that at its annoucement, the host of heaven's angelic armies had to burst into joyful song. All I can picture in my mind's eye is a sky filled with musical celebration. And what goes better with a joyful musical celebration than joy-filled, praising dance?! We may not have the hosts of heaven here to sing for us, but the crazies and I celebrated the awe-inspiring, humbling, sacrificial birth of Jesus with the joy it was intended to have. And I believe Jesus and the angels appreciated our efforts, even Moo's joyful, unusual thrashing!
However you and your family celebrate the holiday, I just want to encourage you to find an outlet of pure joy knowing in that one moment the God of heaven, Creator of all, became God with us.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Advent Activities
This year, I started a new tradition with the crazies. We have a homemade advent calander and have been doing small activities to celebrate and look forward to Christmas all month. Some of the activities are small winter fun things, like having hot cocoa for dessert or watching a Christmas movie with popcorn. Some of the activities are more holiday oriented, like going to see Christmas light displays and making ornaments. Others are charitable activities like making red kettle donations out of piggy banks, bringing winter clothes to donate at Goodwill, and buying a toy for Toys for Tots. And the last few are reminders of the true meaning of Christmas, reading Matthew chapter 1, Luke chapter 2, and a children's book about the birth of Christ. I really want my kids to know that Christmas is important because of Christ. I want them to realize that we only give each other gifts to remind us that the Magi brought gifts to Christ and that Christ is God's gift of salvation to the world. I am excited to see these things starting to make sense to them.
One day when we were leaving WallyWorld, Fia asked to put a quarter in the red kettle. After she dropped it in, the bell ringer said "Oh thank you, Santa saw you do a good thing!" Fia frowned at her and said "Santa isn't real." The woman insisted he was real, and Fia said "No, my parents give me gifts at Christmas to remember Jesus' birthday!" She tossed her hair and stomped away, irritated that the bell ringer was insisting on being wrong. As I followed her, the woman shot me a look and said "They'll resent you for that someday." I just smiled and wished her a Merry CHRIST-mas. I highly doubt my children will resent having an honest, open relationship with their mother, or learning about their Savior's birth! It was exciting to me that Fia stood her ground and didn't cave when confronted by an untruth. What a strong little girl. :)
One day when we were leaving WallyWorld, Fia asked to put a quarter in the red kettle. After she dropped it in, the bell ringer said "Oh thank you, Santa saw you do a good thing!" Fia frowned at her and said "Santa isn't real." The woman insisted he was real, and Fia said "No, my parents give me gifts at Christmas to remember Jesus' birthday!" She tossed her hair and stomped away, irritated that the bell ringer was insisting on being wrong. As I followed her, the woman shot me a look and said "They'll resent you for that someday." I just smiled and wished her a Merry CHRIST-mas. I highly doubt my children will resent having an honest, open relationship with their mother, or learning about their Savior's birth! It was exciting to me that Fia stood her ground and didn't cave when confronted by an untruth. What a strong little girl. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)